May 11, 2015


Logan and I found out through a home pregnancy test that we would be expecting baby bliss #3, we assumed the due date would be December 27! I was starting to figure out how to get out with three little ones, how would we function doing normal things, when would I potty train Boston, and move him from his crib to a big boy bed, would I need to get a bunk bed? All scenerios started coming to mind. Except on May 6th, 6 weeks and 2 days along, I woke up to some spotting and everything was on pause! I was no longer thinking of a life with three little ones, I was now worried about how I could my body betray me, everything that could have cause this came to mind. About 10 am I started cramping and I knew this was not right! I didn't have any of these symptoms with my previous pregnancies. I called my doctor and left a message for a nurse. I waited and waited trying not to think the worse, but not pushing it out completely. I noticed that the spotting was increasing more and more and the cramps were getting worse. The nurse was able to call me back and said she talked to my doctor who recommended that we needed to go to the ER. I couldn't just get up and leave it was James's birthday, and he had a surprise party, I couldn't just leave he wouldn't understand, right after cake and presents I told Logan that it was time and I needed to go, my cramps were getting really bad.
We hopped in the car and the boys were able to stay with family so we were off. Logan and I said a prayer for comfort and we agreed that if we do miscarriage it's better that it happens now than later on in pregnancy, we felt grateful for the blessing we recieved, I was no longer worried, I was okay if it was a miscarriage and I accepted the fact that if this was an unsuccessful pregnancy that is what it is going to be fine and we would be okay. Of course I would love for everything to be fine and continue for a normal pregnancy, it just didn't seem like a possibility at this point.
We checked in, then waited and were seen in triage then waited, we were finally called into a room I was hooked up to monitor my pulse and blood pressure and had an IV placed to lower my heart rate, it was averaging around 117bpm. I had a pelvic examine and an ultrasound. they were not able to see anything in my uterus, meaning I had either already miscarried or that maybe it was too small to see... However my blood work was not showing the right levels for pregnancy for how far along I should be. It was very low. The Doctor on said we should have them rechecked in 48 hours to see if they increased, which is what should happen for a positive pregnancy or lowered to confirm a miscarriage.
My normal OB was out of town for the weekend, so I was able to meet with another OB. He was able to squeeze me in, during my appointment, he also checked my uterus noticing that it was not one of a 6 week pregnancy and suggested we wait another day for the blood test so we would have a definite answer. Luckily my cramping had slowed to unnoticeable. When Sunday, Mother's Day came we were able to run to the hospital after church for a blood test, and we were prepared for the worse.
I knew the OB I saw on Friday would be out of the office on Monday, but the nurse would be in so I could call her for my results, the levels we were hoping for were around 1000, and mine was 48.5. Our confirmation that I had miscarried. Shockingly I wasn't surprised, my body had done what was needed, I do not know what happened, or why it did, but I do know that it was not in my control. And that it was best that it happened now. I was okay with the fact that I miscarried at 6 weeks, I barely found out I was pregnant, I wasn't attached yet. I was a upset that I wouldn't be able to experience pregnancy like I normally do and we wouldn't have a new baby in December, but I know that I will be able to be pregnant again and will be able to experience it when I am suppose to, when Heavenly Father plans for us to have another baby we will.

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